Just someone to talk to

My mother went to the doctors with tailbone pain, he found a lump on her tailbone, he did an internal and told her he was treating it as cancer. She was to have a scan the next morning, he told her not to worry once she got the results as he has already referred her fast track for treatment and will be seen within 2 weeks. She has gone for the scan today and that's it? We just wait? I feel like I'm losing hope the more I go over that conversation. How can he tell her he's treating it as cancer without even a scan result? Could it be nothing? Could it be something else? She is only 40, what's the treatments? What's the chance of it working? What's the chance of it not working? Is it bone cancer? Isn't that terminal? I just feel I need some answers

Dear Lexi,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this with your mom.  I would also have a million questions if I were in your situation.  You shouldn't just accept everything the doctor says without having explanations and concrete information.  It sounds like your doctor wants to reassure you that he is not going to waste time in treating your mom IF it is cancer, which is a good thing!  However, after the internal exam, for example, I would ask the doctor:

1. Why are you treating this as cancer without a scan?

2. What kind of cancer (A REALLY CRUCIAL DETAIL)

3. If yes, what stage? (Also important detail)

Ask your doctor when will you get results on the scan. Please DO NOT lose hope!!  You barely have any information yet. You don't even know if it is cancer for sure. Were you at the appointment with your mom or is this what she told you?

Regarding some of your questions......Yes, it could be nothing or something or something else. Treatments for cancer are usually chemotherapy and/or radiation. The chances of it working depend a lot on the type of cancer, location, and whether or not it has spread.

It sounds like you and your mom need to talk to your doctor again. Don't hesitate to ask as many questions as you have.

Take a deep breath, and take things one day at a time. Good luck, and I'm here if you want to talk.

Punky

 

Hi pinky thank you for your reply They said that they are looking at bowl cancer, but as there is this mass on the spine it could have spread to the bone. I wasn't in the room with my mum I was waiting outside. I'm wondering why a doctor would say all this? Surly they don't tell you this if they are not sure! This morning she has been for her scan and told it will be fast tracked and she should have her results within a week. My mum has had bowl problems for years, this was overlooked because of her gynae problems which caused her to have a hysterectomy about 2 years ago. The thing that's really bugging me is why the doctor would say he's treating it as cancer, he doesn't know this yet! I'm wondering if my mum isn't telling me everything, trying to protect me maybe. I think I'd rather know!

Hi Lexi,

I know what you mean when you say you would rather know. My mom was diagnosed with colon cancer last year this time. To be honest i think you should try go in with her when she gets her results, i remember that my mom confused and sad, did not take in all that the doctor said. so i made notes I asked so many questions, i tried to write it all down so that i was aware of every single word. She will also need the support of knowing you are there whether its good news or not. I know how tough it is and how anxious you must be feeling. what dont you call the Doctor and ask all the questions you are so unsure about. They need to give you more info such as if it is cancer in the rectum or bowl and if so what stage its at, as this will help you make important decisions along the way. My advise to you is let her know you are with her all the way, let her know that no matter what you will fight this together...the fear that she must be feeling is overwhelming :( but i know yours is too. it is so so difficult not knowing, but take it one day at a time okay. if you think too far ahead you just make it worse for yourself. so stay strong, and find out as much as you can. dont be afraid to ask questions, make copies of the results, get 2nd opinions.

The road is very bumpy and at times you might think you arent strong enough, but take it one step at a time ok?

I have been where you are now....and i am here if you need to ask me anything at all. Stay strong. you are both in my prayers.

kind regards

Tasha

On ??? 26, 2017 11:32 AM Lexi_123 wrote:

Hi pinky thank you for your reply They said that they are looking at bowl cancer, but as there is this mass on the spine it could have spread to the bone. I wasn't in the room with my mum I was waiting outside. I'm wondering why a doctor would say all this? Surly they don't tell you this if they are not sure! This morning she has been for her scan and told it will be fast tracked and she should have her results within a week. My mum has had bowl problems for years, this was overlooked because of her gynae problems which caused her to have a hysterectomy about 2 years ago. The thing that's really bugging me is why the doctor would say he's treating it as cancer, he doesn't know this yet! I'm wondering if my mum isn't telling me everything, trying to protect me maybe. I think I'd rather know!

Hi Lexi,

Now I understand the situation somewhat better.  Unfortunately, I think the doctor would say that if he thought it probably is cancer. Yes, it is possible that your mom is not telling you everything and trying to protect you. I also would rather know. Talk to her, ask her if you could join her at her appointment. Do you have other family members as support?

Punky

On ??? 26, 2017 1:14 PM tashalex wrote:

Hi Lexi,

I know what you mean when you say you would rather know. My mom was diagnosed with colon cancer last year this time. To be honest i think you should try go in with her when she gets her results, i remember that my mom confused and sad, did not take in all that the doctor said. so i made notes I asked so many questions, i tried to write it all down so that i was aware of every single word. She will also need the support of knowing you are there whether its good news or not. I know how tough it is and how anxious you must be feeling. what dont you call the Doctor and ask all the questions you are so unsure about. They need to give you more info such as if it is cancer in the rectum or bowl and if so what stage its at, as this will help you make important decisions along the way. My advise to you is let her know you are with her all the way, let her know that no matter what you will fight this together...the fear that she must be feeling is overwhelming :( but i know yours is too. it is so so difficult not knowing, but take it one day at a time okay. if you think too far ahead you just make it worse for yourself. so stay strong, and find out as much as you can. dont be afraid to ask questions, make copies of the results, get 2nd opinions.

The road is very bumpy and at times you might think you arent strong enough, but take it one step at a time ok?

I have been where you are now....and i am here if you need to ask me anything at all. Stay strong. you are both in my prayers.

kind regards

Tasha

Dear Lexi and Tasha,

Tasha is giving you some good advice. It's true, that if your mom goes into the doctor's office alone, she may miss a lot of information because she is too stressed or upset. Yes, take notes.

I have also been where you both are. Sending you both prayers.

Punky

Thank you, for both of your advice. As you know it's good to talk to someone that is or has been through the same thing, I do really appreciate it, and pray for both of your family's. I think iv been feeling selftish, wondering how on earth I could ever live without my mum, she is the adult still to me, the one I turn to, the one who is as close to my son as I am, I have been sat today wondering how I turn into the strong one for her now, when I don't feel strong. I actually sat and thought I wish it was me not her. I can see the panic in her face when my son and I are around, like she can't imagine leaving us. She often leaves the room and comes back with puffy eyes. I'm struggling to know what to do in such situations. I am going to be stronger and can't thank you enough for the advice. I have never prayed before but I find myself praying or more begging every time I'm alone.

And to answer you questions, yes I have family that love far away, I do have my partner. My mums partner goes into her appointment with her.

Im sorry to hear that. :( 

Thats kinda weird tho. 

On Jun 26, 2017 9:05 AM Lexi_123 wrote:

My mother went to the doctors with tailbone pain, he found a lump on her tailbone, he did an internal and told her he was treating it as cancer. She was to have a scan the next morning, he told her not to worry once she got the results as he has already referred her fast track for treatment and will be seen within 2 weeks. She has gone for the scan today and that's it? We just wait? I feel like I'm losing hope the more I go over that conversation. How can he tell her he's treating it as cancer without even a scan result? Could it be nothing? Could it be something else? She is only 40, what's the treatments? What's the chance of it working? What's the chance of it not working? Is it bone cancer? Isn't that terminal? I just feel I need some answers

Lexi, its been a while, how is your mom doing? And how are you doing?

LUV TASH